I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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