So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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