Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm bleeding and have questions
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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