she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
