I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize