i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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