I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
should my penis look like a turkey
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
