Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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