ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
