I cannot find my penis.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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