So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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