Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can you bring me the toilet please
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
