I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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