I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
