The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
