I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
