So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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