Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
