Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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