it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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