I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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