Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
