how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
