He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
