So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
