he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
