You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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