also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
