Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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