Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
