If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I want a musical about memes.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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