Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
