Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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