Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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