I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
