this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
