My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
