Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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