i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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