Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
