You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
