I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
