My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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