she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
