That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
