just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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