Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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