I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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