literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
