I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
