I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
