everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
whose parrot is this?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
