if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
