This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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