I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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