"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
