My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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