I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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