Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
