Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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