You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
