Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
