Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
