Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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