I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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