also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
